i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
