3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
