Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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