This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize