marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
