One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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