I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
