Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
