All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
