Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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