I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
