I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
