The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
