I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
