Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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