Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
