i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
