Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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