so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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