it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
