Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
