i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
