flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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