Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
