is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
