I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so let's talk penis.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
