remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize