Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
