Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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