You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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