We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
