We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
