i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
