Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
