I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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