Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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