Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
