??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
