Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
