Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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