I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
