he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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