Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
