I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Alive.
So much puke
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
