we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
