The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
