Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fill condoms, not promises.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
