I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
