I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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