Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
two words: eviction party
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
