I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
