I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
