i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
