Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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