was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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