While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize