please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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