I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Everclear isn't food dammit
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
