oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
