i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
