I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
