we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
