I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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