I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
