Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
