I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
