So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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