So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
