saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
