I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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